I sometimes feel like I have nothing to say.

That really is just it. Words do not come easily to express feelings. I generally don’t have very strong feelings though. I honestly don’t ever remember crying because of a movie or book (though maybe a little tearing up occurred). I’m sure other people perceive me as being very emotionally dry and I just might be. John and I were discussing whether it is better to be an emotional roller coaster (which he is) or gentle, rolling hills (like me).

Just because I don’t push my every feeling on other people does not mean I don’t have any emotions. Perhaps it is just in the expression and I don’t speak my mind because when I do it seems to be little heard. Maybe it’s because I’m a middle child, but there’s always been a louder voice than mine so I just shut up because speaking up in a group always seems to make me sound like an idiot. I feel like I can read people much better than they can read me and it lets me know that something is up, but I value privacy and assume that they do as well so I typically let things slide.

Words make something real. It seems to cause ideas to become commitments rather than dreams. Words can flip the world upside down. If I say something than I have claimed some sort of ownership over it and that seems to bring a personal responsibility which, frankly, I don’t want. Rather than owning up I step down.


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