I guess I’ve just been going through something of an mental existential crisis lately. Because I’m really sick of all the crap that I do. Many things aren’t bad in themselves except that I put them before my real priorities. Tonight I was running and I started thinking about suicide. No, I’m not thinking about committing it but rather my thoughts turned to an article I read the other day about how much of a problem it is in Korea right now. I was curious how it is possible for somebody to destroy yourself. Then I realized that that is what I’m doing. Yep, I daily drive myself nuts by the fact that my ideal self and how people perceive me is vastly different from my self-concept (there were terms I learned last semester but I don’t remember most of them).
I know what sort of man I ought to be. And I want to be the prince to rescue the damsel in distress but I won’t let myself because that would just screw other people up before I figure myself out. Yet, at the same time, I wonder if I need to turn to other people for help with my bad habits which are preventing me from fulfilling my many dreams.
I don’t think I’m mentally unstable or that if anybody were to read this they should be absolutely concerned. I honestly just feel a mix of laziness on loneliness which make for an uncomfortable combination.